"Ya Gotta Dance!"

1/9/2020

A few years ago, my dad Chuck Cookson passed away on Valentine’s Day, a month before his birthday on St. Patrick’s Day. Although he was from a different generation, I believe that the qualities that have brought you and your sons to St. Francis are similar. I also realized I don’t have to include everything that sums up his life, but just a few things that might mean something. My dad had many sayings that we called Chuckisms. They were more than sayings because they were principles he lived his life by. He was a hard worker, strong, positive and kind, put his family first, had strong faith in God and was authentic, full of fun and joy.

Dad was a hard worker. He would often say things to us such as, “Life’s not fair, keep scratching, be thankful for what you have, and rub it up.” I still remember my first semester at college when I took 18 credits, earned a 4.0 and called him proud to share the news. He said something like, “That’s nice Louie.” I said, “Nice?! That’s it? It’s hard to get a 4.0 your first semester- that’s all A’s!” He said, “I know Louie, but you’re a student and that’s your job.” He was a lawyer by trade, worked in labor relations and was always fighting for the underdog. My parents valued education very much and all six of their children went on to earn advanced degrees. When I finally completed my PhD, I knew he would be proud but not surprised.
My dad put his family first. We were blessed to grow up and socialize together in Hamburg in what we call the “compound.” My husband Tom grew up a city boy, also from a large Catholic family, and was nice enough to move to the suburbs and join us. Most of our socializing was together, going out to hear Tom’s band play for the last 20 years, playing cards, running, eating or just getting together. My dad’s most famous saying that my mom actually put on his gravestone was, “Ya gotta dance!” This was his analogy for life, meaning, “Ya gotta live!” Nothing stopped my dad from living life to the fullest, causing many people to say he was larger than life. I remember when my son Sam was about 10 at one of Tom’s shows, and he finally joined us on the dance floor. Middle School boys don’t dance and he never had, so I asked him what he was doing. He said, “It just looks like more fun out here.” Chuck had passed on his tradition.
Faith was very important to my mom and dad, and that’s one of the reasons why I continue to work in a Catholic school. All six children went to St. Peter and Paul, then my brother to St. Francis and five daughters to Immaculata. My dad promised us two donuts after mass from Super Duper if we sang and participated, which might explain my donut obsession. My father was one of the strongest Catholics I ever knew, and he didn’t even make his first communion until the age of 83. We had a dinner afterwards at Ilio DiPaolo’s and rolled in a banana seat bike for his gift. At his funeral, Fr. Mark Wolski lovingly referred to him as “Chuck the good.” Growing up, we had a rosary club with other families, and continued to meet at my parents during the last few years. In his last month, when we didn’t have words to say, we prayed the Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be with dad. When he couldn’t talk at the end, he kept making the sign of the cross and mouthing the words...world without end Amen. To anyone who is with someone at their moment of death, which I was blessed to be, I highly recommend this as it gave us strength and peace.
Chuck was authentic. He always encouraged us to follow his example and be yourself. I remember when I was a teenager and we were driving down our street in his blue Nova with the windows rolled down and he was loudly singing, “We’re gonna win that cup! Me and the Buffalo Sabres, yeah yeah yeah.” I was mortified and actually slinked down in the passenger’s seat. He just laughed. Last year we were at the Hamburg Brewery when my husband was playing solo and there was clearly no dancing. My dad got up and started dancing anyway. I heard some college kids at the next table making fun of him, so of course we all joined him. Dad didn’t care what people said. He was true to himself and also looking to have a good time. He was pure joy.

My dad would be nothing without my mom, but that’s a whole other story; together they made a complete one. I will never forget how she loved and cared for him at the end of his life. Even during his last month, when I told him he was so skinny he could play an extra in Schindler’s List, he was still strong and positive, and refused to complain. He died like he lived, and sucked life dry. Thank you for indulging me here. I am sure that you have parents like this, with your own special stories to tell, and that you actually are parents like this, with strong core values that prompted you to send your sons to St. Francis High School. I am blessed to be here, carrying on a tradition of faith, family and love, and blessed to be partnering with you to raise fine young men.

Have a wonderful spring and a blessed Lent,

Dr. Mary Lou Stahl

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